Discovering Love After Divorce

Divorce can be tough on a man. It certainly was on me and I’m sure you’re not going through the easiest of times either especially when it comes down to discovering love after divorce.

It is both mentally and emotionally draining. However, life goes on, and in time, wanting to find someone new is inevitable. This is where dating after divorce comes in.

Someone to cuddle up to on a cold night may be something that’s been missing for a while in your life. Even before your divorce, it’s unlikely things were great in the bedroom department. It may even be the reason for it! And while it’s not top of everyone’s list, it's sometimes fun to start to think about who’s out there. Getting back in the dating scene after a divorce can be a big step, especially as it’s probably been years since you dated last. I hadn’t chatted up a woman in over 15 years, why would I have? Nonetheless, you mustn’t hold yourself back.

The big temptation is to rush out down the local pub or club…been there tick that box! Big mistake.

In today’s world, it’s not done that way anymore. Women don’t go out to pubs or clubs to meet men and if they do, they will probably be your daughter’s age. If you are tempted by a younger crowd there’s no harm in looking, but don’t try your old chat up lines. Young ladies these days won’t hesitate to cut you to the bone and then get you kicked out for being a creepy old man.

It’s fair to say that clubs are no longer your domain. In pubs you might have a fighting chance, especially at the end of the night when the wines been flowing… but do you want a drunken hook-up? You may think you do and that’s ok if that’s all you want, but in my experience, it only brings regret, and quite possibly a trip to the local sexual health clinic.
If you’ve been in a long-term marriage one-night stands will probably leave you feeling worse than you do already.

It’s crucial that you are honest with yourself before getting into anything new.

Starting a sexual relationship takes time and is emotionally hard. Whilst your wife may have found it easy and fun to jump into bed with a new man, I can almost guarantee you will find it harder than you think.
And no I don’t mean your manservant!!
The opposite in fact. Do not underestimate this.

I remember being on a date with a lady I met on Match.com. The date went well, one thing led to another, but I mentally couldn’t perform. It was a total embarrassment.
I felt no connection with the women I was with and all I felt was guilt.
This quickly prompted a trip to the well-man clinic for the magic blue pill.

I have written a short blog on this topic because, whilst your doctor will listen to your problem, the NHS won’t fund your future love life. If I recall, they gave me 2 pills. They didn’t last long. You may have to seek other alternatives.
Another pitfall to avoid is getting set up by your well-meaning mates with their single lady friend. In my experience, this isn’t what you need right now, and they are normally single for a reason. Unless you have met her before and there is chemistry then I would stay home and dodge a bullet. Blind dates just heap on pressure, and you already have enough. Take your time.

It’s fair to say that if you want a one-night stand or a relationship with someone new nowadays, then you will have to at some point get on your phone or your laptop!

Dating apps and online dating platforms are popular places for men to meet nowadays. If you're new to the online world, it can seem overwhelming. Choose a reputable platform, pay attention to your privacy settings, and be cautious when sharing information about yourself. Although it’s easier for people to fabricate personality online, it’s easy to spot the ladies who are being economical with the truth and who probably have the wrong intentions.

All that said, they are a great way to find either a casual encounter or a longer-term partner. Either option, take your time and get to know someone before you commit to something you may regret.
Internet dating is here to stay, and you better get up to speed.

Don’t expect to meet the woman of your dreams the day you join your chosen site. You may, and I hope you do but usually it takes hours of chats and conversations to get the date you want and even then, this guarantees nothing.

Regardless of the app you choose, there are certain things you can do to make the most of your online dating experience. Here are some tips to get you started:

Be honest in your profile

Your profile is the first thing potential matches will see, so make sure it reflects who you are. Use real, recent photos of yourself and be truthful about your interests and what you're looking for, if it’s a casual hook-up you want then write your profile accordingly but don’t be disappointed when all you get is the same in the quality of your replies. Strike a balance or maybe try a different app if you aren’t getting the response you’re looking for. There’s no point putting up an image from 15 years ago when you had hair and all your teeth especially if you’re now balding, overweight and in need of a new set of pearlies.

This will only cause embarrassment on the date and waste everyone’s time and money. Conversely don’t believe every photo that’s posted by the ladies either. I’ve been on plenty of dates where I think they mixed up their latest holiday snap with a picture from a swimwear catalogue. Men aren’t blind and it's obvious from the second you set eyes on them that something doesn’t quite add up.

Read more about the person

Don't just swipe based on looks alone, although this is an awful lot harder to do than say. If you can take the time to read your potential match's profile to see if you share similar interests and values, this is all valuable information with which to strike up an online chat and refer to on the date.

Start with a compelling opening message

If you want to grab someone's attention, avoid generic, one-word messages or pick-up lines. Instead, compose a thoughtful message that references something you noticed in their profile. Nobody likes a cheesy chat-up.

Communicate well

Keep your messages concise, and clear and be respectful of the other person's time. Most women don’t have the time or appreciate being bombarded with messages, so try to strike a balance between showing interest and not appearing too overbearing.

Keep an open mind

Keep your expectations in check and be prepared for a variety of outcomes. Some dates may be amazing, while others may be less successful. Remember that online dating is just one of many ways to meet people, so don't be too disheartened if it doesn't work out every time and believe me it won’t.

Enjoy the process, you will have some good dates and bad and it will take up lots of your free time so be prepared to put in the effort and don’t rush it. You may find it a lot harder than you think to move on, especially when it comes to sex for the first time with someone new.

It’s a fun a fun learning curve and one which will certainly make the ex, hot under the collar. I certainly had lots of great dates, some better than others but overall, I enjoyed my time on Match.com.

Remember – don't let past relationships influence your current ones. Focus on yourself, that’s the most important thing.

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Many thanks in advance and enjoy.

Best Ade