The Benefits of Mediation in Divorce
The benefits of meditation have long been known and can be implemented to help many areas of your life, especially after a divorce.
If like me, trying to find some common ground with your estranged wife whilst going through a divorce can be an uphill battle at times. This is especially true if it’s a contested divorce. It can feel as though all discussions and routes lead only to an argument or a dead end.
The animosity, confusion, and stress of navigating a divorce with two conflicting sets of expectations can seem overwhelming and never-ending. Mediation is an alternative form of settling some of the arguments and disputes whilst going through divorce that is gaining in popularity.
Mediation
If you haven't heard of this before, it's known as mediation. Finding solutions that are mutually satisfactory to both parties, can be a great help. It achieves this without the need for a solicitor to negotiate on your behalf.
You don't have to go to mediation, but if you end up having to go to court to sort out your differences, you normally need to prove you've been to a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM).
This introductory meeting to explain what mediation is, and how it might help you.
We attended one such session at a local help centre funded by the government. I recall we still had to pay around £120.00 for the meeting but it was means-tested. If you are on a low income, you may get legal aid to help with costs and possibly other costs too related to your divorce. I remember being asked to attend before the solicitor would submit court papers although I do not believe it is compulsory.
The meetings were informal and well conducted and very constructive. We made great headway on topics that had been contentious.
If you decline mediation without a good reason, you will usually have to explain why you declined mediation to the judge when your case subsequently goes to court. This may result in delays. The whole court system is slow at best, and a delay is something that you don’t need.
What exactly is Mediation?
Mediation is a form of dispute resolution that is used to assist couples in settling their divorce-related issues.
It is a completely voluntary process in which both divorcing parties come together with a professionally trained mediator who acts as a neutral party. The mediator facilitates a discussion and guides the couple through the divorce process to help them achieve an agreement that is acceptable to you both.
It sounds great in principle but in practice, I found that emotions run high, and nothing gets resolved. However, the process did make me think realistically about the outcome and also about my ex-wife’s needs.
Both of which until this point I had thought little of.
What Are the Benefits of Mediation?
Mediation is a great way for you to work out your disagreements in an organised and thoughtful manner.
Mediation is a voluntary process, which doesn’t involve the added stress or pressure of going to court. Additionally, it’s generally less expensive than litigation, as there is no need to hire solicitors. If you decide to go down the solicitor route to resolve your differences, then expect an extremely large bill.
Solicitors have a great knack for sending emails and letters backwards and forwards between each party, to which they expect you to reply, costing you money every time. In turn, your reply and subsequent replies cost you even more money without achieving anything. Think of it as a never-ending hamster wheel of needless questions and replies.
I lie.
The one thing it achieves is more ill feelings between you and your ex.
If you can, avoid solicitors like the plague when it comes to negotiations. Unless you have special circumstances that you need to resolve, then talking is the cheap and easy option.
Some other benefits of mediation
Improved communication between you and your ex.
The ability to discuss issues without interruptions or distractions and out of the earshot of kids.
The opportunity to reach mutually agreeable solutions.
Increased privacy, as the proceedings are held in private. Having your ex-wife’s new partner chipping in and giving his opinion will only result in one thing.
A reduction in financial costs associated with divorce.
What Issues Can a Mediator Assist With?
The mediator will try and help you and your ex-partner agree on how to split money and property, without taking sides.
They will help you agree on how you’ll divide your assets, including pensions, property, savings, investments and child support
Mediation is not there to decide for the couple but to facilitate a constructive dialogue identifying potential solutions that both sides can agree to.
Neither is mediation relationship counselling. It can be difficult not getting into the why did you do it, or blame game whilst sitting opposite each other. This is probably not the time or place. You could try a marriage guidance councillor for this. Also, don’t go to mediation too soon after the breakup or when emotions are still running high.
I remember sitting around the table, and all I could think about was how could I possibly win her back. Looking back that wasn’t a smart place to begin negotiations from.
Is Mediation Right for My Divorce?
Mediation is not a one-size-fits-all solution. Furthermore may not be appropriate for every divorce. Before deciding to use mediation, it’s important to assess whether both parties are genuinely interested in finding common ground and working towards an amicable resolution. Additionally, the mediator should be an accredited, experienced professional with a good reputation. You can find your local ones through government web pages.
Ultimately, mediation is a great way for you to settle your divorce cost-effectively and respectfully. It can be an invaluable tool to find a resolution to your divorce without acrimony or contention.
Final thoughts.
Mediation can be an excellent option for couples looking to divorce without going to court. It is a voluntary, cost-effective process that can assist couples in working out their differences and coming to a mutually acceptable resolution. If you’re considering a divorce, weigh up all the options available and decide which path is best for you and your family.
My last point to remember is that mediation is not legally binding, but it can form the bones of an agreement which you take put before a judge as a draft consent order for the court to approve.
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Best Ade