There are many great reasons to represent yourself through your divorce, especially with numbers at an all-time high.

In 2021, there were 113,505 divorces granted in England and Wales, a 9.6 per cent increase compared with 2020 when there were 103,592 divorces.

With statistics like those it’s no surprise you may have found yourself in the position where you need to file for a divorce.

If like me, you haven’t been through divorce before, it can be a daunting process, which for some people still holds a stigma, which is unjustified. It's far more common than you think with nearly 33% of all marriages ending in divorce, so don’t feel ashamed or alone, you are not!

One of the first questions that goes through your head will be.

“How do I apply for the divorce, what’s the process? Do I need a solicitor?”

These are valid questions, and in the blog, I hope to answer these and many more.

Many dads set off with intentions of hiring a solicitor but maybe you don't have the resources, which believe me, wouldn’t be uncommon. Fear not.

However much you think that it’s beyond you, I assure you that with the right resources and knowledge representing yourself in divorce is possible This knowledge is available online if you are prepared to look and learn a little. The big bonus is that you will save a small fortune, which is handy if like me you need the money elsewhere, but it’s not the only reason.

Benefits of Representing Yourself
These are some of the main reasons why I considered representing myself, and I believe you can too.

Cost

Hiring a solicitor can be expensive, even if you have a straightforward case. If you do go down the solicitor route to resolve your differences, then expect a very large bill.

If you do have complicated financial affairs or a fortune that you are trying to hang onto, I recommend instructing a solicitor. This may be prudent at this point, otherwise, I wouldn’t.

Solicitors have a great knack for sending emails and letters backwards and forwards between each party, to which they expect you to reply. This costs you money every time. Your reply and then your exes’ subsequent reply, costs you even more money without achieving anything. Think of it as a never-ending wheel of questions and replies that you end up paying for.

Control

When you represent yourself, you have more control over your case and your interests. I’ve already mentioned the spiralling cost due to letters and emails flying backwards and forwards but there is a far more damaging effect.

I believe some solicitors, particularly those who are used to dealing in high-worth settlements or those who specialise in divorce, deliberately create inflammatory situations that you have never considered. This results in animosity, and defensive and aggressive responses from your ex. Again, this is beneficial to your solicitor as it adds fuel to the fire and pound notes to his ever-increasing bank balance. It’s in their interest for you not to get on. It’s for good reason that they drum into you not to speak directly to your ex. Similarly, never come to an agreement on anything with your ex but always speak through them.

You may question how I know.

indeed, the first advice I was ever given, on day one by a dad from school was;

“Do not instruct a solicitor, and not a ‘hot shot’ solicitor who specialises in divorce”

Did I listen? Hell no.

Full of emotions, mainly anger and greed I went straight up to London.

On the advice of a friend I knew down the pub, I instructed the most expensive lawyer I couldn’t afford.

That’s not a typo, I couldn’t afford him as he was £260 an hour! Additionally,  he logged every second of every minute when it came to my bill. Encouraged by the solicitor, I was banking on winning big and leaving her with nothing. What an idiot I was. No court in the land would have agreed to his or my demands.

Just months later and I was left holding a bill for £24k. This left me skint, and I was still at square one. His involvement just made her animosity towards me worse and our communication on every level became almost nil.

Regretting my actions I went back to the school dad with my tail between my legs. I started again. It taught me a very expensive lesson. Although I hope my lesson is a free one for you.

Time

Going through a divorce can be a lengthy process and solicitors don’t just act for you, they have lots and lots of other very needy clients besides. Much of their work will be done by juniors, and however simple things may seem, legal processes go at a snail’s pace. Your solicitor may not review your case fully until there is a problem and often this is too late. Representing yourself can help move things along more quickly.

Preparing Yourself

Before you begin the process of representing yourself in divorce, there are a few important steps you should take to prepare:

Research and take the time to learn about the laws and regulations in your country about divorce. This will help you understand your rights and responsibilities.

The internet is a fantastic resource and there are lots of people out there willing to help, just like in this blog. Here in the UK, the government website is a great place to start to get an overview.

Document everything. Start a file and keep detailed records of all important information, including communication with your spouse, financial information, and hearings or court appearances. Do this from day one, then if you do want to hand over the reins to a solicitor or friend in the future for some help, they will have an accurate record of events to work from.

Seek support depending on your circumstances, you may want to reach out to friends, family, or even an online community for support. I had some fabulous support from one of the dads from school who had gone through the divorce process 18 months before me. I do advise against tapping into advice from your drinking buddies, but this help was different and from a more detached, well-informed source. There is no harm in putting a friendly request out there to see what help comes back. You never know, there may be a budding legal eagle amongst your friendship group.

A Quick Run Down of The Process

If you're considering getting a divorce in the UK, it's important to know the steps to take to begin the process.

1. Find Grounds for Divorce
To file for divorce in the UK, you must have been married for at least a year and need to provide a reason or `grounds` for the divorce. These include:

•   Adultery - Your spouse has slept with someone else.
• Unreasonable behaviour - Your spouse has acted in a way that has made it impossible for you to live with them.
•  Desertion - Your spouse has left you for a continuous period of at least two years.
•      Separation with consent - You and your spouse have been separated for at least two years and it's agreed you can divorce.
•   Separation without consent - You and your spouse have been separated for at least five years.

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2. File a Divorce Petition
Once you have decided on the reason you want a divorce, you need to file a `divorce petition`.

The person asking for the divorce is the Applicant, and the person receiving the divorce is known as the respondent. From what I understand from many applications to court it makes very little difference if any whether you file the divorce, or your spouse does.

Fill out the terms of what you are asking for, such as dividing property, dealing with debts and other proposals. You will also have to pay a fee to process your divorce, which is currently £593. This can be done with the help of a solicitor or without.

3. Serve the Divorce Petition to Your Spouse
After you submit your divorce petition, your spouse needs to be made aware of the proceedings and is allowed to respond, this process is known as `serving the petition. `

To apply for a divorce, you’ll need:

•  yours and your wife’s full name and address
•  your original marriage certificate or a certified copy (and a certified translation if it’s not in English)
•   proof of your name change if you’ve changed it since you got married - for example, your marriage certificate or a deed poll

You will be asked for your husband or wife’s current address. This is so the court can send them a copy of the divorce application.

If you give your husband or wife’s email address, the court will send the divorce papers to them online. If you do not give an email address the papers will be sent by post.

You may be able to get help with fees if you get benefits or are on a low income. You can apply for this help online or with a paper form.

After receiving the divorce petition, your spouse needs to send back an `acknowledgement` form within 8 days. They will also specify whether they are contesting the divorce.

4. Apply for Decree Nisi
Assuming there are no disputes from your spouse, you can then apply for a `decree nisi`, which is essentially a document from the court that states that you are entitled to a divorce.

Six weeks after the decree nisi is granted, you can then apply for the `decree absolute. ` This is the final legal document that ends your marriage.

Whatever you Decide.

While the process of getting a divorce in the UK may seem daunting, it's important to know the steps and legal requirements involved. Hiring a solicitor or legal professional can help guide you through the process but with some homework and a little bit of learning, it’s something that you can accomplish yourself.

Having tried both routes and without any hesitation, I would recommend working through the process yourself.

My final thought is to keep your emotions under control and out of the negotiations. Ultimately you are far more likely to get what you want if you take a calm and calculated approach rather than being hot-headed.

Happy hunting.

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Many thanks in advance and enjoy.

Best Ade