How I Decided My Future With One Simple Choice.
When I first found out that my wife was having an affair I never imagined I would decide my future with one simple choice.
My world and my kids' world had just fallen apart. In an instant, everything I knew and believed in was torn up and thrown away.
I remember being unable to think. I questioned why over and over in my head.
Month after month this went on. Unable to look at family photos as they just seemed like a cruel lie. I thought this would never stop. My life was heading out of control in all the worst ways.
Then something changed. They say change happens in an instant and for me, it was a knock at my door.
it wasn’t for the friendship, guidance and wise words from a very good friend I don’t think I would be here today to tell the tail or become the man I was always destined to be.
I write this for you Martin, as a thank you and acknowledgement of the huge impact you have had on my life, for setting me on a path of self-discovery and learning. From one divorced brother to another, I thank you.
I was at rock bottom. My marriage was gone, my so-called friends had disappeared, and my kids were not coping with the mess we had created.
Broke beyond imagination and for the first time in some 35 years my credit cards were being turned down. I remember vividly, the embarrassment of not being able to pay for a Starbucks with my kids. Breaking down in tears in front of the whole queue and worst of all my two children I was at rock bottom. I was feeling suicidal and with no idea what to do next.
One Simple Choice.
Then came the knock at my door. It was Martin. He came in and we sat down with a coffee, he could see the state I was in. He gave me two choices.
“Become the man she says you are and wants you to become.
Or
Become the man you know you are, and your kids want you to be.”
Right there and then, with those words I knew who I wanted to be, and that things would be ok. I now call this my Martin moment.
My journey was not an easy one and over the next year, I struggled with many new experiences and pain. Much of this came from looking inside myself to find out who I really was. Some call it soul searching. I call it hero hunting.
With my belief in what I wanted to become, and a burning desire not to become what she wanted, I began to take control and rebuild my life. My path was clear. I knew what I had to do. I didn’t know exactly how at that point, but in time that came.
I knew where I wanted to be and more importantly, I knew who I wanted to be.
All I had to do now was find a way to get there.
Everything in that first year and beyond came down to mindset. An unshakable belief that I was not the man she portrayed to her friends. Many were my old friends.
It would have been so easy to have become angry, wallow in self-pity, drink in excess and blame others and blame myself.
I did exactly the opposite.
I embraced the change and the challenge Sophie had presented me with, and I set about creating a new life full of hope and optimism for me and my kids.
Once I had put my mind to work, then the opportunities were endless. No longer was I restrained by married thinking, routine, fear of loss, resentment or boredom. I was free to think about how I chose. No one to hold you back, no one to ask permission from and no one watching and criticising your every move. There are few rules when your mind is free.
I had become free and excited again. Best of all the kids were starting to enjoy our days together and look forward to the next. I had become free to be the man and live the life I wanted and more importantly, deserved.
Take a moment and think back to when you were a kid. What did you want to be when you grew up? What car did you dream of owning, what football team did you dream of playing for?
For the first time in 45 years, I was that kid again, age 6, dreaming of the life I was about to step into.
None of your new life will come without some hard work, and maybe some investment in yourself, both in time and money.
The True Cost of not making a choice.
But what worth having doesn’t take time and effort?
The true cost of something is the difference between what you have and what you want. Think about it. Money may not be the first opportunity to materialise in your new life but so many other things will appear.
Optimism, new friends, new relationships, hope and opportunity to name just a few.
My opportunity came unexpectedly when I came across a series of free tutorials on the internet teaching people the skills to market on the internet harnessing leverage to enable greater results.
I was looking at new ideas, how to start again financially and in a way that suited my now 52 years. Something I could do from home maybe? Maybe on my laptop? Possibly from abroad? I’ve always loved the sea and working from a sunny location had always been a pipe dream. This seemed like as good an opportunity as any.
I was sceptical but I downloaded the tutorials and began to watch. The webinar explained that with the right mindset, dedication and some hard work, I could learn the skills to market digital and physical products online. Following in the footsteps of 1000s of other people just like me. With the explosion in social media and the advancement in technology, the timing had never been better or the opportunity easier, it explained. I was more sceptical than ever.
After the 4th tutorial, it was starting to make more sense and the opportunity more real. After all, it ticked all my boxes.
Work from home on my laptop, have no boss, write my own paycheck and more importantly by leveraging other people, technology, modern systems and money I could achieve it.
With my new thinking and outlook on life, I was hooked and I never looked back. I had found the vehicle to take me from where I was, to the place I wanted to be.
The rest as they …..
I thank those initial tutorials for transforming my life.
I am writing this from Korcula in Croatia, on the roof terrace of my holiday home. The sun is just coming up and today, Felix Sienna and I will be taking our boat out to visit one of the other islands for the day. We live modestly but we live free.
I am now not the man she wanted and expected me to become. I took control of my life and my destiny.
The Question
The question for you right now is-
Will you become the man she says you are and wants you to become? The broken loser she portrays you as.
Or will you, become the man you know you are, and your kids want you to be.” It's your choice. Your responsibility. The word responsibility is made up of two words
Response and able
You are able to respond how you choose how you like! It's your choice, nobody else's. Don't let her justify what she did by fulfilling her lies and expectations. I nearly became that man, broken, broke and a loser. Don't let it be you.
They say change happens in an instant. This is your chance to change. In this instant, you hold the rest of your life. Your decision to become the man you want to become. The future you.
If you want to find out how you can make that change then click the link below and make the life you deserve.
What happens if you don’t? Think where you will be in 5 years from now.
Will you still be struggling to pay the bills, Will you be struggling to hold your head high? Will your kids have checked out on their dad and their respect for you gone forever?
It’s time for you to you to decide. Your Martin moment. It is time to make a life for yourself and your kids. Not the one she chose for you.
Click the link below and subscribe not only will I send you a copy of my free 77-page guide; Relaunching Dads Mission Possible I will also add a link to the same free tutorials which have helped me transform my life.
What do you have to lose? Only your dreams and your …..if only…..
I look forward to seeing you on the other side
Best
Ade.