How to Man Up and Ask For Help.
Have you ever wondered how to man up and ask for help or direction? Maybe you have seen asking for help as a weakness? Maybe you feel you are expected to have the answers, even if you don’t, or are just expected to ‘man up’ and get on with it.
Unfortunately for many divorced dads, this is not the route to success or happiness.
Research shows that divorced men are lonely. Suicide rates are 40 % higher in men than women and add a stressful divorce into the mix and you have a recipe for disaster.
Maybe you have friends to watch the football with or go for a pint or two but can you open up to these guys and share your feelings openly without the feer of ridicule?
Vulnerability is not a weakness it is courage. Courage to seek help and advice when needed. It is not shameful or a show of weekness, but more an indication of wisdom and strength.
The Pressure to Appear Strong
In today's modern society, we often talk about the importance of mental health and seeking support when needed. However, one aspect that is often overlooked is the significance of men asking for help.
Men have traditionally been taught to be tough, hide vulnerability, and suppress emotions. It is essential to recognize that these societal expectations are outdated and can have detrimental effects. By challenging these norms, men can create a healthier emotional landscape for themselves and those around them.
These pressures become even stronger if there are children involved and dad looking and acting strong, is something that we look to portray to them, thus hiding our true emotions.
Now, I’m not suggesting you go blub to your kids, but opening up to them a little and explaining your feelings or why you are in a mood that day may go a long way to help them and you cope with the day-to-dad stresses of divorce.
This isn’t a long-term fix and your kids don’t need to know your inner thought so finding someone you can share with is vitally important.
The importance of sharing and asking for help
Sharing for me was the single most important aspect throughout my separation and divorce. Without it, I truly believe I would have committed or at least tried to commit suicide. I contemplated it often, not out of desperation or a not wanting to go on but from an angle of pressure and how this can be happening to me.
The questions of how and why were relentless. I remember sleeping as often as I could as this was the only rest bite I got from the endless repetition of the same question. Unfortunately, it took months to even come close to finding an answer but thankfully I mean time I did find a way to cope.
I found someone to listen.
Someone who would not judge and be impartial in their thinking. For me, this was my sister who is a trained counsellor. I guess I was lucky, but it could be anyone with whom you can ask the questions and share thoughts that you wouldn’t with the lads from down the pub.
I have found that the people who listen the best and have the most knowledge are often the older generation. They have the time and the wisdom to give and often they enjoy the company.
I would check in daily with a phone call. Sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes an hour. Often the same stuff was discussed and often she gave no advice, just listened.
By opening up and sharing my thoughts I released the pressure in my head and I got to find answers to some of the questions I couldn’t ask my mates.
I do believe that other peoples answers to your questions are of no help. You need to put the work in to find your own answers to your own questions. Someone listening is often enough.
The Impact on Mental Health
The reluctance to not seek help can have severe consequences on your mental health. It is estimated that suicide rates among men are significantly higher than among women. This highlights the urgent need for men to break free from societal stereotypes and access the help and support they require.
If you don’t have a family member or friend who you can call I suggest you contact your GP and get the numbers for organisations that will help. As old-fashioned as it sounds calling the Samaritans is a great place to start if you need someone just to listen. Don’t think this is a weakness. It shows strength of mind and your first steps to a new life.
Don’t let your Masculinity get in the way.
The notion of masculinity is evolving, and it is essential to redefine what it means to be a man. True strength lies in the ability to recognize when assistance is needed and having the courage to ask for it. Encouraging vulnerability creates space for growth, leading to healthier relationships and improved overall mental well-being.
Suffering in silence will be your downfall.
Personal Growth
Asking for help is not a sign of inadequacy but a genuine opportunity for personal growth. By seeking advice and assistance, you can improve social skills, problem-solving abilities, and mental well-being.
These are great attributes to learn in a modern world and will help create new opportunities in regaining wealth, relationships and happiness.
There are tonnes of ways to self-learn. Online courses and self-help groups on the internet are my favourite. I am also a great believer in self help books, which I often refer back to when needed.
Remember to ask for help.
Remember, the notion that men should handle everything on their own is outdated and detrimental to your well-being and your future.
By embracing vulnerability and recognizing the importance of asking for help, divorced men can lead healthier, more fulfilling lives. Together, we can create a supportive environment where every man relaunches and builds a stronger future.
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Relaunching Dads Mission Possible
Many thanks in advance and enjoy.
Best Ade