men and menopause

Men and Menopause.

Helping to understand men and menopause, is a vital step if we want to move forward in a new relationship, especially in mid-life. For me, and many other married men menopause was trivialised, ignored, or worse still joked about. Now that we find ourselves single again unless we start to understand and discuss the effects it has on us and our partners, we may find ourselves single for a very long time to come.

When I discovered that my wife was having an affair, 'why' was the million-dollar question that I just couldn’t get my head around. Now, as I look back and by helping so many other men in the same predicament, I do feel there is a connection between a breakdown in marriages and menopause, a common thread. I'm not blaming all breakups and marriage failures on menopause, far from it but I do think that it plays a role in many splits. Failing to accept this reality or address it would in my mind be a mistake many couples fall into.

 

men and menopause

Reaching menopause is undeniably a milestone in a woman's life. It brings with it a sea of hormonal changes and new experiences, both physically and emotionally. For some, it paves the way to establishing stronger relationships, while other women become distant from their partners, sometimes leading to affairs.

Over different life phases, women often get engulfed with home chores, motherhood and other responsibilities. Menopause can alter this focus from others to herself, nudging her towards pursuing her long-lost desires or needs which sometimes can lead to affairs.

Paying attention and spending time understanding these needs and wants at this stage of your relationship may just be the key to keeping it alive in the future.

Until recently, discussions around menopause between men and their partners were fairly limited but with the media now pushing the subject to the front of our minds it’s something we can no longer ignore.

Whilst Davina McCall has championed the cause and brought the subject into the open it has primarily focused on its impacts on women. Menopause is indeed a significant biological, physical, and psychological challenge unique to women. Although men don't actually "go through" menopause, whilst witnessing this change many men don’t know what to say, do or act to make the situation better.

It's never been easier to make the time needed to have an open discussion about menopause. Maybe it's a discussion you need to have? I certainly wish it was one I had made time for.

What is Menopause?

For those unfamiliar with the term, menopause in women is the time that denotes the end of their menstruation cycles. It typically occurs in women in their late 40s to early 50s. A time when many men think their life is settled and they look forward to mid-life, security and possibly retirement.

Understanding

Menopause for men is difficult to get your head around for more than one reason. Whilst midlife offers men the time to relax a little and unwind from the stresses of bringing up the kids, their partners are going through something very different. Your ideas in midlife may be looking forward to a few more rounds of golf whilst your partner may be thinking about more pressing concerns. They are experiencing physical and mental changes which in my experience create a great deal of friction within any relationship whether it’s a marriage or not. When encountering men and menopause matters for the first time is a difficult experience for many to address. Observing your spouse or partner going through this challenging time, can be confusing, annoying and worrying all at the same time.  Nearly every man finds this uncharted territory and remarkably challenging to navigate.

For most, it can be nigh on impossible to empathize with the sleepless nights, hot flashes, mood swings, and significant shifts in libido experienced by women during menopause.

Men often feel helpless and unsure of how to support their loved ones since they can't truly comprehend the magnitude of what's happening. Consequently, this situation breeds frustration, anxiety, and conflict, casting a shadow of misunderstanding and miscommunication over the relationship or marriage.

In my experience, this communication breakdown has been key in the breakdown of many marriages and unless we learn to empathise with our partners’ menopausal, there will be only one outcome.

If you are willing to learn more about the process of menopause and its implications, you will gain a greater understanding of what is going on in your partner’s head and body on a day-to-day basis. Once you know and are aware of some of the things being dealt with you can keep lines of communication open.

Discussing your fears, and apprehensions with your partner, will help her feel that you are being supportive and empathetic whilst helping you understand what you can do to help. Encouraging your partner to talk about men and menopause matters will enhance her experiences and feelings and will help your closeness. Remember to be a good listener.

It’s no good it going in one ear and out the other! Find ways to support her partner emotionally and practically. A little understanding goes a long way in these situations.

I think the key thing that all men can take from this is to learn about the menopause. We need to be aware of how it affects our partners and us and how we can support each other going forward into new relationships.

If you would like to know more about men and menopause, plus many other topics helping divorced dads relaunch, then  please subscribe to my blog by clicking the link below and as a thank you I will forward to your inbox My free 77-page guide:

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Best 

Adrian.

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