splitting household goods in divorce

 Splitting household goods in Divorce?

Divorce throws up a host of questions, the most frequent being the tricky subject of splitting household goods. It's a question until now I’m sure you never thought you would be asking yourself. I know I didn’t. Never had I expected to be arguing over who gets the queen-size down duvet, or which pots and pans I want from the kitchen cupboard. Last of all, who gets the cat?

 

splitting household goods

Divorce can be a complex process, especially when it comes to splitting possessions and pets, and although some things are easy to resolve many are not.

Furniture is often one of the biggest concerns, as it can hold both monetary and sentimental value.

Pets are another huge problem as they often have an attachment to both parties. For me it was never a question of who got Barney the cat, as he was a gift to me and we were getting on well so agreed about most things.

Are you tearing lumps out of one another?  I am guessing much will depend on whether you are remaining friends. In various other blogs, I have touched on the importance of staying friends, and I cannot express more the importance of doing so. This is not just beneficial to the pets in question but also to your future.

However, you find yourself I hope to highlight some common scenarios and strategies for splitting furniture and pets after divorce.

Acrimonious Divorce

I think we are all aware that when a divorce is contentious, splitting furniture can be a source of conflict.

My first advice is to give it a few weeks or months if you can to let the dust settle before you try to claim the 60” flat-screen tv. Will it fit into the new house anyway?

I remember insisting on having the brand-new sofa we had just bought only to find it wouldn’t even go through the door of the smaller new house I found myself renting. Or do you want the 6 pet chickens waking you and your neighbours up every morning and causing pet care nightmares when you want to go away? With boarding costs at an all-time high, you will be forking out a few hundred pounds every time you head off into the sun.

Sharing pet care may be of great benefit where possible. Daily would be impractical but how about a month at a time? This would be less disruptive to the pets and easier to plan for whilst allowing both parties to benefit from the pleasure of the pet in question.

Remember that having the dog or cat will cost both time and pound notes, and time and money may be short in the coming months so think hard before you insist on ownership.

When you can’t agree one potential solution is to hire a mediator. They can help facilitate communication between you and find a mutually agreeable solution. Seeking the help of a paid mediator to resolve more complicated matters to do with the divorce can be a great help.

You may be tempted to get solicitors involved. I highly recommend you don’t s this will cause more friction, cost a fortune, and create more problems than they solve. Solicitors have a great habit of inventing problems which require another solicitor to respond to. I truly believe they have no interest in you or your case, only money. Remember, every letter, email and telephone call costs money and with half-decent solicitors charging up to £260 an hour your bill will soon spiral as did mine. I ran up a £24,000 bill in a matter of a few months and resolved nothing. Think carefully before instructing and read my other blogs for alternative strategies.

Eventually, if both parties are unable to agree, a court may be required to make a ruling. Judges are fair but will always make provision for child welfare first which may mean you don’t get what you wanted or expected.

Amicable Divorce

splitting household goods

I urge everybody reading to aim for an amicable divorce.  Divorce is tough and tearing lumps out of your ex is just another battle you don’t need. Be the bigger man and act in a way she’s probably not expecting or doing herself. You will gain nothing by arguing. If you are set on revenge, no good decisions have ever been made anger. Stay calm and catch her off guard.

I’m not suggesting you roll over and have your tummy tickled either, far from it.  You must at least give the impression that you are friends and you can make calm grown-up decisions.

Think what happens when you are nice to people, generally they’re nice back and you get what you want. Eventually, they will come around to your way of thinking. It may not be the first time you try but eventually, they will.

Now imagine how people respond when you are demanding and aggressive. You get the same back and normally end up with nothing and walking away. It’s not easy in these situations but counting to ten helps enormously or just walk away and come back to the discussion another day when tempers are lower, and you have calmed down. Remember arguing gets you nothing other than the prospect of getting solicitors involved and a big bill. Just imagine what you could buy with what you will save. Saving £24k would have been a very nice moving-in present.

Go into the discussions with a fair 50/50 mindset and be flexible. Give in on a few things of little importance. Do you want to argue over something her mother bought you both for Christmas? Aim for a win-win scenario.

Splitting household goods

One potential approach to splitting furniture is to divide all items equally between both parties. This is often seen as a fair solution and can avoid potential conflicts. However, this approach may not work if one party has a higher emotional or financial stake in the furniture.

In some cases, both parties may already know what items they want to keep. Alternatively, if there are items of significant value, it may be worthwhile to get them appraised to ensure an equal split.

One word of advice is to only take what you need. In all probability, you will be heading into a smaller place than you are leaving and taking too much, or the wrong furniture may be a mistake. You may want to take certain items which evoke particular memories. I fully understand but do you want to wake up every morning in the marital bed on your own?

I found that not taking any decorative items gave me the perfect opportunity to start again and put my mark on my new house.

Gone are the pictures of hearts and quotes about coffee and wine. Replaced by motorbikes and interesting stuff I have collected on my new travels and adventures.

When your interests and hobbies are reflected around you it's much easier to start again. I now even have a motorbike in my hallway, not for storage or to work on, but as art. I surround myself with the things I like, things which put a smile on my face, not what will impress the neighbours.

Think about how you might express yourself if given a blank canvas. Imagine not having the wife nagging and complaining about your choice of décor… absolute bliss and freedom.

There will be a cost involved with the replacement of the things you split but both need, crockery, sofas electrical items etc. Try to keep a tally of the replacement cost and stay realistic in what value you put on items. Quality household items aren’t cheap to replace, especially the bigger items and even the smaller stuff adds up when you must replace it all at once.

Certain Items

If there are things you specifically want, then you may have to arrange to offset the value of one item against other things. You might want the tools in the garage, she might want the kitchen pots and pans.

Another strategy is for you to buy out her share of certain items. This may be a good option if there are pieces of furniture or items that you are particularly attached to and just can’t bear to leave behind.

A challenging process.

Splitting your stuff after a divorce can seem like a challenging process, but it doesn't have to be. However, it's important to remember that while furniture may hold sentimental value, it's ultimately just a possession and not worth prolonged hostility and argument.

Getting along is far more important in the long run. Conceding a few battles to win the war is a great tactic to get your way in the end. The day I stopped arguing with my ex was the day she started to soften in her approach to me. We remain friends to this day and the benefits of having someone to share childcare and feed your cat once in a while are well worth the effort.

Ultimately, it’s about moving on and sometimes a house full of memories stifles that and keeps you from relaunching the new you.

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Many thanks in advance and enjoy.

Best Ade

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