Four Mistakes To Avoid After Divorce

The four mistakes to avoid after divorce if not handled well can leave you feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about the future. Divorce is a difficult experience without putting yourself through additional unnecessary pain.

Starting over after divorce can be tough, but it also presents an opportunity for learning and growth. In this blog, I will explore some common mistakes people make after divorce and provide practical tips on how to avoid repeating them. Being mindful and proactive you can set yourself up for a brighter and happier future. Believe me when I say I have made them all. Some cost me financially whilst others affected me emotionally but, in some cases, they set me back on the road to starting a new life and relaunching.

By avoiding easy-to-make mistakes, I believe the journey forward to starting again more successfully can be quicker and less painful. Maybe you have experienced how tough the journey can be. A little guidance along the way may help.

 

being yourself post divorce

Rushing into a new relationship

 It's natural to crave companionship after a divorce, I did, for lots of reasons. Most of them are the wrong ones, leading to some really bad experiences.

At this point I think it’s important to separate the one-night stands from the long-term marriage material.

Long-term marriage material

 Timing.

I guess you could get really lucky and find the woman of your dreams the day after your ex packs her bags and leaves.  You might think this new arrangement is perfect but rushing into a new relationship without fully processing the previous one can lead to repeating the same patterns. Take your time to heal, reflect, and rediscover yourself before committing to a new partner. Taking time alone can help us better understand ourselves and it gives us time to think about what our future really could look like.

If you do find “the one” sooner rather than later, take your time and go as slowly as possible without appearing as though you aren't interested. If she is Mrs right, then it will work at whatever speed the relationship goes. Going all in telling her that you love her or talking about marriage on the first few dates will set alarm bells ringing and her heading for the door.

One Night stands

 Whilst I fully understand there is a whole new world of possibility available to newly single men, it doesn’t mean that it’s all fun and frolics.

For me, the one-night stand was a mind fuck, full of emotion and regret. Many opportunities and encounters have arisen with the internet, but just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

You may have this burning desire to go out and pull some gorgeous girl but deep inside you may struggle with moving too fast and betraying your ex-partner even if she were the one who had been betraying you.

This is something I struggled with for many months and in many of my early encounters. Every time I had sex, I felt ashamed and guilty. Betrayal almost. Bizarre I know as she was the one who had the affair and left but emotionally, I was still married, and it showed.

Indeed, emotional stress can manifest in many ways, including in an inability to perform when needed. Take your time and get your head right before rushing in. That said, it’s a fun new world out there and when you are ready, fill your boots. The magic blue pill, which is now readily available over the counter and through online doctors is a game changer for many middle-aged men.

Neglecting self-care

One of the mistakes to avoid after divorce is neglecting self-care. Divorce can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. Neglecting self-care only prolongs the healing process. Focus on yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, as well as physical health. You may find loneliness hard too, so taking part in activities which involve others will help. If you can combine this with keeping fit then even better.

I took up Kickboxing, something I had practised to a high level when I was in my 20s. I found the interaction with other adults invaluable, and the fitness was something I had been meaning to attend for years. Win-win.

Looking after your mind and body

You may not need or fancy the challenges of keeping fit but there are easy practical things to practice daily to help physically and mentally. There are some great apps available such as Wordle which can be played against strangers or friends as well as by yourself. I find that cooking family meals helps when I have the kids home to stay. We all get involved in cooking, and spending quality time together. Additionally eating a healthy balanced meal too. Again, a healthy diet is important in self-help.

Great reading material

For me, this has been a game changer.

Reading has set me on a new path, a new career, and a new life.

The book

“How to Fix Your Shit” by Sha Wasamund changed my life forever.

The simple premise is, that what you have is a result of what you have put in so far. Unless you want more of the same you must change.

The book outlines simple techniques to change your life forever.

Isolating oneself

Another mistake to avoid after divorce is self-forced isolation.

It felt as though the whole world had taken sides with my ex-wife. I felt lonely and isolated without having done much wrong.  Good friends took sides, and I became withdrawn and ashamed that my wife had chosen someone else over me.

You too may be feeling this isolation and loneliness.

Indeed, if you are feeling embarrassed or ashamed, instead of withdrawing from social interactions, seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can provide emotional support and help you regain a sense of self-worth.

You may be imagining, as I did that everyone is talking about you behind your back. The truth is they may be for a few days but after that, they will have found someone or something else to gossip about.

Take a few days to lick your wounds but don’t take too long putting on your best bib and tucker and get back out there among your friends.

 Neglecting financial planning

 Post-divorce, assessing your financial situation and planning for your future is crucial. You may have ended up with very little, or maybe a tidy sum but this will soon be gone if you don’t quickly start to act responsibly.

There is no magic fountain from which you will be able to refill your cup once it's all gone.

I made the classic mistake of spending money rather than keeping my head down and working to pay the bills. It's very easy to take your foot off the gas when you have a big lump sum in the bank. However, with a few bad investments and some silly purchases it soon dwindles. Couple that with a global economic crash, it's easy to lose more than you afford. Believe me, I did just that.

Luckily, I regained what I had lost by building an online business. One which allows me to work freely from any location and do what I love. With some guidance and learning, I am now living a life way beyond my former married life.

Building a solid financial foundation will also give you stability and peace of mind for you and your family.

One Final thing.

There is nothing greater than knowing you have succeeded when your ex-wife thinks you are a failure. Although driving up in a Lamborghini does come a close second.

managing finances post divorce

Divorce may be challenging, but it also presents an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Avoid common mistakes. By learning to change you can pave the way for a brighter future.

Everyone's journey is unique, so be kind to yourself and embrace the lessons learned along the way.

If you would like to know more, subscribe to my blog click the link below and as a thank you I will forward to your inbox My free 77-page book:

Relaunching Dads Mission Possible

Many thanks in advance and enjoy.

Best Ade

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