When unveiling the hidden costs of marriage I am reminded of the classic words of Woody Allen

 “The most expensive sex is free sex”

They say love is priceless - but there's no denying that relationships, weddings and the divorce that follows can come with a substantial price tag.

When it comes to falling in love we are all too eager to jump in head first, I know I certainly was.

When the right girl came along, I knew.

I’m not a great believer in relationships growing, they to me are friendships. I need to feel the connection on day one. See the passion in their eyes and get the connection that puts butterflies in your stomach.

With any relationship though, however, we fall in love there are certain implications we tend to ignore.

 

Even before we consider the “after” costs we need to look at the ‘before ‘and ‘during’ to get a true picture of how much marriage costs both physically and emotionally.

 The before costs of marriage

Foremost are the visible costs, those we anticipate.

Engagement rings, courtship, expensive gifts to woo her, yep they all add up and we have all been there.

Then comes the wedding.

Even the barest, most economical weddings tally up quite some impressive numbers. According to experts, the average wedding bill comes to around £25,000, no small sum.

Venue and Ceremony Fees Wedding Dress/ Top hat and tails. Catering Expenses. Decorations. Flowers. Photography. Travel and Accommodations (especially for destination weddings)

The list is never-ending and I’m sure I am safe in saying, actually a bit of a waste. I know for some it’s the most amazing day of their lives, but could you have put the money to better use elsewhere?

Imagine how many fantastic holidays you could have had together instead of 100 people enjoying themselves at your expense.

On a side note, it is very possible to keep costs to a minimum and still have the most fabulous of days but you need to think outside the box and forget tradition. My ex-wife and I managed to find a fabulous venue (Ham Polo Club) fully catered for around 80 guests with a four-piece um papa band for less than 4k!

Cost during your married life.

How much you spend directly on your day-to-day living is irrelevant, just consider what you contributed to the ‘pot’. The hours you spent at work, and the sacrifices you made.

Now consider what she contributed.

It may be even.

But let us assume it was 50-50

How much of the money did you spend on you? Really on you.

The things you wanted, the places you wanted to go, the life experiences you longed for.  I guess not 50%

Nowhere near in my experience.

Sure you had nice holidays, and cars, and ate out often but were many of those decisions just for you? It may sound selfish, after all, you are married, but did you agree to give up on your hopes and dreams, letting your life become vanilla over time?

How much of your time was spent doing the things you love?

This is the cost we never can see or put a price on, but rest assured it’s the one that we can never get back.

Time waits for no man, and these years are the years that once gone are gone forever.

If you ever consider marriage again make sure you spend a larger amount of that ‘pot’ on you.

After Marriage costs

 Besides the emotional toll, divorce also comes with a significant economic cost.

The Direct Costs of Divorce

When you decide to get a divorce, one of the first costs you will likely face is for a solicitor. Their legal fees vary depending upon the complexity of your case, and how contested your divorce is. From my experience and from talking to others, be under no illusions. They will make it as complex and disputed as humanly possible. It’s in their interest to get you and your your ex arguing and keep you that way. They get much less if you and your soon-to-be ex-wife remain friends.

The charges soon run into the 10s of thousands if you believe and follow their guidance.

Add to this court costs and numbers do start to get tasty.

The division of financial assets, or sharing what you have, is where you lose the most.

Your house(s), cars, pensions, and other wealth - will generally be split between you both. The division of these assets often results in both parties walking away with less than they imagined but often it is the man who comes off worst.

Forget that you may have come into the marriage with more, worked more hours, and contributed financially more. More often than not, you will leave with less.

A lot less. Get used to it.

There are many indirect costs of divorce too.

It is quite common for you both to experience a decrease in your standard of living. Maintaining a household, running cars, paying for holidays, and managing expenses single-handedly can pose big financial difficulties.

In my experience, these only get worse over time particularly if not addressed.

When kids are involved, the cost of divorce may skyrocket. Expenses like child support and educational costs often weigh heavily on both parents, economically affecting you for years to come.

Children may have to change schools, friendship groups as well as the areas in which they live.

The hidden cost of marriage, the emotional cost to your children cannot be underestimated and this is probably the biggest cost of all, and possibly the hardest to spot or rectify.

Divorce is an ugly process, both emotionally and economically. But remember, while divorce carries an economic price, sometimes it’s the cost necessary for personal happiness, mental well-being, and a healthier life overall. Prioritising your well-being and recognising your dreams is often the price worth paying.

I am often asked how I moved my life forward, and how I managed to move away from the hatred and the despair that cheating and divorce brought.

The answer is a simple combination of willingness to embrace change and a vehicle in which to implement it.

It was a realisation that my future is now up to me. I am the master of my destiny.

This is where my rubber meets the road.

I always return to some very wise words,

‘The world does not respond to what you want, the world responds to who you become’.

The second part was finding a vehicle in which I could invest my time and limited money and build a future I believed in.

I turned to the internet as it gave me the time, and location freedom I was looking for, plus I got to write my paycheck as well as my own story. No longer working all hours for the man. Remember, there are benefits to divorce.

Below is the link to subscribe to my blog and for doing so I will forward you the free training videos which I used to rebuild my finances and start an on-line career.

In them you will learn the insights and techniques I have implemented to start again, the same simple techniques you can use to rebuild your lives.

The Information and techniques I learned not only transformed my finances but the way I view my life, what has happened and more importantly the amazing future that lies ahead.

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The future best me

Ade.