Can Revenge Heal the Pain After Divorce?

Can revenge heal the pain after divorce? is often the first question I am asked by newly separated dads. The second is how best to achieve it!

Both are questions I contemplated myself for many weeks months and even years after my split. Maybe it’s where you have found yourself too? Daydreaming of all the ways you can get even for what she did. Thinking through scenarios in your head where she begs you for forgiveness as you drive into the sunset grinning from ear to ear. We have all done it but can revenge help heal the pain after divorce?

Divorce is a difficult and emotional process. It can leave you feeling deeply hurt and utterly betrayed, especially when it has been your partner who may have been the instigator or cheating party.

I hope to explore the idea of revenge after divorce and discuss healthier alternatives to channelling those negative feelings or doing it in a way that is far more impactful and constructive for you.

Understanding the Impulse for Revenge

When your marriage ends in divorce, especially if it was not your fault, it is understandable that you might want to retaliate against your former partner. I know I did, and so did my friends who encouraged me to seek my pound of flesh at every turn.

These feelings of anger, betrayal, and resentment can be overpowering, often leading to the desire for revenge. Hoping to find closure or get back at the other person. However, it is crucial to recognize that revenge rarely brings true satisfaction and often creates more harm than good.

It's at this point that I think it’s important to distinguish between what I like to think of as two types of revenge.

Positive revenge and negative revenge.

Positive Revenge

This is a state of mind and resulting actions which motivate you to move forward and create a better life without the ex. Positive revenge motivates you to become stronger and better. This could be financially, physically mentally or romantically better or preferably all 4.

Positive revenge tends to become clearer when you can think about and view what has happened with a cool head and with a positive plan for your future.

It also tends to be long-lasting and permanent.

Negative Revenge

This is driven by spite and emotion. Furthermore, it is often ill-thought-through, possibly fuelled by drink or by well-meaning friends.

It's an easy state of mind to let run riot but seldom does it achieve anything. At best you will get temporary satisfaction. At worst a night in the cells if you take matters into your own hands, which I know can seem mighty tempting.

It usually involves some form of physical, mental or verbal abuse, all of which will make the situation worse whilst giving only temporary satisfaction.

The Consequences of Negative Revenge

Engaging in negative revenge will make the situation worse and prolong the healing process for both parties involved. It is especially damaging to any children involved too.

It will escalate conflicts, impede your personal growth, and further damage any chance of a civil relationship in the future.

Additionally, it adds fuel to the ex’s fire regarding her reasons for divorce and it helps justify her behaviour. What better way to prove to everyone what a dick you are than by acting like one. Don’t give her the satisfaction.

Unhealthy Revenge Tactics to Avoid

Whilst your immediate thoughts of revenge will undoubtedly entail beating the living daylight out of your ex-wife's new lover it’s essential to understand that revenge does not just have to be physical or confrontational. Some common revenge tactics after divorce include:

• Spreading rumours and false information about one's ex-spouse.
• Defaming the character of the former partner on social media or other public platforms.
• Manipulating children against the other parent.
• Sabotaging the ex-spouse's professional or personal life.

I guarantee you that none of the above is as satisfying as positive revenge.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Instead of dwelling on revenge, focusing on self-healing and personal growth is much more beneficial.

Health

When your wife left, I’m going to guess that you're not the buff, ripped guy you once were. Right? I wasn’t either. Indeed you may never have been, but I guarantee that getting in shape will help your new post-divorce life in so many ways.

Even into my 50s, I have found getting fit easier and more beneficial than I had ever imagined. We now have many ways and places to exercise there is no excuse for not getting into shape. Imagine your ex’s face when you turn up slim, looking great and with a six-pack. She might start questioning the choices she made. It will also have a benefit in you finding a new lady too.

Wealth

Many middle-aged men find themselves divorced and financially broken but have no idea how to rebuild their lost wealth.

 

If that’s where you find yourself then believe me, I feel your pain but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can get back the financial freedom you once had and the life you thought was gone forever.

How do I know? Because that’s what I have achieved.

Regaining my wealth was a biggie for me and I guess it probably is for you too.

Take a minute to imagine how it would feel to create a life which better than the one she left you for.

If buying a bigger house or holiday home will cause her some sleepless nights pulling up in a new Lamborghini might just cause a total meltdown.

Wealth creation is not just about having material possessions or making money. It's more about the financial freedom to live the life that you desire. This means being able to do the things that you enjoy without worrying about financial constraints. Attaining wealth offers an opportunity to create a better and more fulfilling life for yourself and those around you.

With money comes choice and time. Enjoy it.

Self

Getting positive about yourself is a great way for others to be positive about you too. As the saying goes “Everyone loves a waggy dog’

You must start to find the new you. Change whatever it was that she disliked enough that made her leave you. It may be one thing; it may be a long list but change them you must.

She left you for a reason. Whatever that reason was, you have to change it. You must change yourself.

There is a great book entitled “How To Fix Your Shit” which I strongly recommend you read. Also, I have written other blogs just on this topic which go into much more depth on self-improvement.

Romance

There is no better way to get your ex hot under the collar than to turn up with a newer better shinier model. It’s every girl's living nightmare. It’s going to hurt. Furthermore, it’s going to make you feel great. What better way to stick two fingers up, than having a beautiful new woman on your arm

Nothing you could ever do or say will have more impact than this. Trust me.

Final thoughts.

While the impulse for negative revenge after divorce may tempt us, it is crucial to recognise that it rarely leads to true closure or satisfaction. Instead, focus on the positive revenge of self-healing, personal growth and change. You will become a better person and one who will be the envy of every single lady out there, including your ex.

If you would like to know more, subscribe to my blog click the link below and as a thank you I will forward to your inbox My free 77-page book:

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Many thanks in advance and enjoy.

Best Ade